


I Wish You Were Staring Back At Me (But You're Gone)

by SatanWorshipsOnlyMe, TheAmazingLeficent



Category: Of Mice & Men (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 16:44:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6528049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatanWorshipsOnlyMe/pseuds/SatanWorshipsOnlyMe, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAmazingLeficent/pseuds/TheAmazingLeficent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Read to find out</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ch. 1-My body's failing, I think I've hit the floor, I cannot feel anything anymore.

"Bye, Austin, Bye Gingy." I say as I leave the band I do photography for's house. I can't help but smile at the little ampersand symbol that Tino and I had engraved into the doorknob. I get in my car and drive home, the chords of one of the demos off of their newest album playing through the speakers. I pull into my carport and get out, locking the car and walking into the large and run-down apartment complex. 

I unlock my door, having to throw my shoulder into it to free the newer, oversized door from the decaying frame. On the counter, perfectly illuminated by a ray of sunlight that shines through the curtains, is three full pharmacy bottles, sitting on a deceivingly cheery yellow doily. A sheet of paper with my scrawled writing over it, telling the guys to be strong and that I am so sorry. I carry the things into my bedroom and deposit them on my bed, then change into a simple black nightgown with bleach stains on the tattered seams. 

~TRIGGER WARNING~

I sigh and tape the envelope on the wall above my bed.I open my nightstand drawer and pull out an old altoids tin, the inside cushioned with tissue to better conceal my friends that are inside. I open it and grab one of the little pieces of metal, dried blood along the sharp side. I sit against the headboard and text alan a simple message, 

Goodbye, Ally Cat. Just forget about me, I’m leaving. 

I open a bottle of the pills, spilling them into my palm. I take them all, washing it down with some water. I down the other two in this same fashion, then pick up the blade. I slice open my forearms in violent slashes, bringing forth a flood of crimson. I continue this until the energy seeps from me and the tremors start, now making me drop the bloodied blade. My eyes close, and I slip away with the agony of the cramps starting in my stomach.


	2. Don't believe me, cause I'm already dead. Don't believe me, I'll take to the bitter end.

When I next open my eyes, I’m on a strange plateau. A very familiar man is walking towards me, seeming to materialize out of the dense fog that shields the rest of the place I’m in from my view. 

 

“Mitch? Mitch Lucker?” I ask, watching as he leans down in front of me to get on my level. 

 

“Yes, sweetheart. I am Mitch. Why would you do what you did? You had an amazing life starting.” He asks, sorrow in his voice.

 

“No, I could see it all going bad. That’s what always happens when I get something good, something worse happens.” I reply. Mitch’s eyes water and I feel bad. I throw my arms around him and ask why he is crying.

 

“Because you were only 22 and had an amazing job working with amazing people, but none of that came in time to help you.” His voice cracks as he replies. He hugs me back, standing up a little straighter and lifting my feet from the ground. I don’t mind, to be honest.

 

“I’ve gotta show you something.” He says, letting me go. Slowly the plateau fades into my room as it was when I left, complete with my body laying on the bed, pale and covered in blood. The room is still, not a thing moving. It’s almost peaceful, the silence. 

 

“Why this?” I ask, looking up at him. 

 

“Just wait. Go take a look at your phone.” He replies. I hesitantly walk over to it and gasp at the numbers on the screen.

 

34 Texts

22 missed calls

 

A door slamming open startles me, and I can hear very familiar voices calling my name through the apartment, panic in their voices. The door to my bedroom opens, and a tall ginger haired man rushes in. He freezes as he sees my body on the bed. 

 

“No... “ He whimpers, tear instantly filling his eyes. He falls to his knees, curling into the fetal position. “Samantha!”

 

The rest of the band rushes in and freeze. Time slows, until all at once they move. Austin yells in anger and punches the wall, Phil rushes to my bedside with Aaron to try to check for any sign of life, and Tino calls 911. Alan shakily gets to his feet, hands over his mouth, tears dripping from his face, and eyes locked on the note above the bed. He pulls it down and reads it, a sob escaping his lips as he falls again. Phil rushes to help him, and Aaron moves my body to the floor and begins CPR. Austin leans back against the wall, sliding down onto the floor with a broken expression on his face. A siren grows closer, and Tino walks back in. He rips one of my sheets from the bed and wraps my still bleeding arms up, in a futile effort to help Aaron in his whole resuscitation attempt. 

 

“Will it work?” I ask Mitch.

“If there was a chance you wouldn’t be standing with me right now, you’d be trapped in your body still. Those pills fried your insides, the blood loss is way too much.” He says sadly. Some paramedics come into the room and pick up on the CPR, sliding my body onto a stretcher. After a few moments, they stop. 

“I’m so sorry, she’s gone.” One says as he helps lift up my body and they slide the body bag under it. They begin to zip it up, and Alan manages to say something. 

“St-stop…” He chokes out. They pause and Phil helps Alan stand. Alan sniffles and makes his way over to where I lay on the stretcher. He brushes the hair off of my face and plants a soft kiss on my forehead. 

“Goodbye, kitten. Have fun with Mitch in heaven.” He whispers. (Listening to The Storm while typing this and trying not to cry) 

He steps back and the paramedics zip up the bag. I watch as Phil and Aaron hold Alan up, I know that they’ll put on a brave face now but later they’ll break down. They’ll scream into their pillows, tears streaming down their faces. 

“I want to help them… Why did I do something so stupid?!” I say, yelling at myself. 

“I can let you become a corporeal form for a minute or two, to say something to them.” Mitch murmurs. 

“Please, I’m begging you…” I choke, tears coming up. Everything around me shimmers slightly as he does his thing, then I can feel the floor, I’m not floating. I walk over to the three huddled men and lay my hand on Aaron’s shoulder. 

“Sammie..? Is that you?” He asks, turning but not letting go of Alan. 

“Well… My ghost…” I whisper, my voice echoey and weird. 

“S...Sam…? Why did you leave us..?” Alan asks, turning his tearstained face to me. 

“I was sad for a long time and I was convinced that nobody’d care… I was in the way.” I say, looking down. 

“Why didn’t you say something? We could have helped you… We would have helped you. You were like a little sister to us, it won’t be the same with you gone.” Alan whimpers, another tear slipping down his cheek. 

“If I could take it back, I would. I should have called one of you…” I say, tears now dripping down my face. He suddenly moves to hug me, and I hug back. 

“I’ve got only a minute or two, Mitch said.” I whisper.

“You saw him?” Phil asks. 

“Yeah, he is right beside you…” I say. I watch Mitch melt into their plane a bit, me fading out. 

“Mitch! Still doing your Stomp up in heaven?” Aaron asks, trying desperately to distract himself. 

“You know it, Pauley.” Mitch smiles. They bro-hug, and Mitch whispers something in his ear. 

“I will, I have been.” Aaron replies.

I shoot Mitch a questioning glance, then notice that he is fading back into a ghost. 

“Where did he go?” Alan asks, voice scratchy. 

“Back into a ghost form. Goodbye guys, find the strength in yourself to keep going. The fanbase’ll lend you some of theirs, I’m sure.” I say, the shimmering staring again. I reach up to Alan’s face and wipe away a tear, and he lays a hand over mine. 

“Bye, Sammie…” He whispers.

“Bye, Ash.” I reply, watching as the world stops shimmering and he lowers his hand. 

The plateau returns, and I sigh. 

“Guess what?” Mitch chirps suddenly after seeming to zone out for a moment. 

“Hmm?” I hum, not meeting his gaze.

“The big guy says he wants to give you a second chance! Say hello to your new feline body. If you ever need me, I’ll be up here,” He taps my head,” Just focus on my name, that’ll ‘call’ me.” He says.

The plateau fades away, quickly replaced by darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still hear you in this house (whispering).
> 
> I still feel you in my bones (in these veins).
> 
> And like the portraits in the halls (can't help but think),
> 
> I wish you were staring back at me (but you're gone).
> 
> Say anything, say anything,
> 
> Say anything that can make this all okay.
> 
> Take it away, take it away.
> 
> Take away all of this emptiness I feel
> 
> 'Cause I will never find another (I may never find myself)
> 
> I will never find another you
> 
> So I'll carry you with me in my dreams, my memory.
> 
> So I'll carry you with me (you'll always be with me) in my dreams, my memory.
> 
> So I'll carry you with me, you'll always be my memory.

**Author's Note:**

> I still hear you in this house (whispering).  
> I still feel you in my bones (in these veins).  
> And like the portraits in the halls (can't help but think),  
> I wish you were staring back at me (but you're gone).
> 
> Say anything, say anything,  
> Say anything that can make this all okay.  
> Take it away, take it away.  
> Take away all of this emptiness I feel  
> 'Cause I will never find another (I may never find myself)  
> I will never find another you
> 
> So I'll carry you with me in my dreams, my memory.  
> So I'll carry you with me (you'll always be with me) in my dreams, my memory.  
> So I'll carry you with me, you'll always be my memory.


End file.
